We all know that horrible feeling you get in your stomach and your heart when it dawns on you that your boyfriend might be cheating on you. You’re unable to eat, unable to sleep, can’t focus on work and just think about it constantly. Forever wondering why or who it may be? Or perhaps you have an idea who and are tying yourself up in knots trying to work out why they’re better than you or what he sees in them?
Maybe it runs even deeper than your heart and your emotions; perhaps you have children or a home together, perhaps you have built lives together and his cheating jeopardises all of that you’ve invested in and the feelings and happiness of your whole family.
Whatever your situation, thinking your boyfriend is cheating on you is one of the worst feelings and that not knowing is agony. Finding out the truth will probably hurt even more if its bad news but at least then you can start to make some informed choices and decisions and work out what you’re going to do next to save the relationship if you feel its worth that or to get yourself prepped and ready to separate and ensure you and those you love aren’t further hurt by his betrayal.
But how do you get to this point? How does suspicion turn into knowledge? How do you get the full facts on whether your boyfriend is cheating or put your mind and heart at rest with the certainty of knowing he is not?
Below are some suggestions of how you can get to the truth of the matter. But be warned; these are suggestions, not necessarily all are recommendations and not all are indicative of healthy relationship behaviours! You may get some information you really didn’t want to know and you need to prepare yourself for the worst and have a plan about how you are going to cope with that whilst keeping you and those who depend on you healthy and cared for. But if you’re really sure that your suspicions are genuine and justified, then you probably just want answers and you do deserve to know the truth about something that directly impacts on your life, emotions and perhaps entire world so read on…..
You could stalk him. Ok so this sounds a little dramatic and psychopathic but perhaps not stalk but more “observe” him. Turn up at the places he says he’s going to such as the gym or a meeting with friends or suggest you come along. See if he is doing what he says he was doing. If he’s not where he said he was he may be with someone else. Even better, hire a professional private investigator to do this for you. This is especially useful if the information obtained may have a practical or financial impact on you. This also means that you won’t look like a crazy stalker if your boyfriend spots you hanging out at the places he said he was going to! A private investigator can undertake covert and discreet surveillance without your boyfriend ever needing to know they are there. They can gather proof and evidence for you of what is really going on through photographs, tracking and reports that give you hard proof of what he is doing. This may completely support his claims and you can rest easy knowing that your boyfriend is not cheating but is just a busy guy. Or it may result in clear and irrefutable evidence that he is playing away and you can use this to address the issue without him manipulating or minimising your reasonable concern, having obtained it through an independent and professional means.
You could check his mobile phone; this is not healthy behaviour and is disrespectful of his privacy but if you feel that you have really good grounds to do this and that an awful lot hinges on the outcome of this behaviour and you feel ok with that, this is an option. This can be tricky though as most mobile phones are locked through codes or face recognition now so getting in will be difficult. You may also be caught trying to do this by your boyfriend as if he is cheating he is unlikely to leave his mobile phone unguarded for long so be careful and think about the position this may put you in before taking this somewhat risky and perhaps unethical action.
You could talk to other people that know your boyfriend if you are on terms with them that would allow you to do this without this placing them in an awkward position or without them running back to the guy to tell him what you were asking. Maybe his friends are mutual friends with you or maybe you have developed good relationships with some of his family members or work colleagues? If you feel you can approach other people in your life about your worries and concerns, try it. Perhaps don’t go straight in with the “I think he’s cheating, tell me everything you know” line but maybe ease into a general conversation about your relationship and give away little bits like “I’m not sure he really still likes me” or “things seem different between us and I just can’t put my finger on it but I’m finding it hard”. Let them see that something is troubling and upsetting you and that you don’t want to accuse anyone but that you are struggling. They may feel empathy with you and want to help by giving away little hints or perhaps even full-blown disclosures about what your boyfriend has been up to. Or they may know something you don’t; maybe your boyfriend is having a hard time over something in his personal life right now or is really struggling at work and they might choose to confidentially fill you in on this so that you feel better and can also support him with this. If you have the right kind of relationship and the right kind of approach, talking to those who best know your boyfriend can be a really effective means of getting to the truth.
Finally, if you have already approached your boyfriend with your concerns and he denies any cheating, yet you still feel that things just don’t add up and he’s not able to offer any reasonable explanation for the things that have been happening, you might need him to put his money where his mouth his and prove to you that he really isn’t cheating by taking a lie detector test. If he is emphatically denying any cheating but you feel that his behaviours are indicating otherwise and you really want to just get to the answer, a lie detector test is a quick and straightforward way to achieve this. If he won’t agree to do one then you probably have your answer already but if he will then this can give you certainty once and for all.
There are several actions you can take to try to become better informed or get to the truth about whether your boyfriend is cheating or not. Professional help can provide you with the clearest and strongest form of evidence to address the matter if he is cheating and to support you in the next steps you need to take. But it’s important that you are sure that you really do want the truth before you take any action as you will never be able to un-know what you know. Prepare yourself for the worst and take care of yourself and those around you. Make sure you have a support network and that you realise your own worth, then go get your answers!